


Come Back, Come Too

by taqarat



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 09:33:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16261472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taqarat/pseuds/taqarat
Summary: 16 months after TRK.Ronan is freaking out with Adam away at college. They work it out. Of course they do.





	Come Back, Come Too

Ronan clenched the steering wheel with white knuckles as he took the last turn towards Adam’s dorm. He still wasn’t sure what he was doing here… wasn’t even sure he’d be welcome. But, he couldn’t go another hour at the Barns with his worries and his insecurities and the mantra ‘ _why the fuck won’t Adam just tell me what’s going on’_ on a loop in his brain. 

 

It had started weeks ago. Ronan had called Adam one cold night as he was making the evening rounds through the Barns. It had become a habit, a couple times per week at least, since Adam had left in the fall for college. They were still feeling out this long distance thing but Ronan had gotten better with his phone and Adam had gotten better at taking breaks from his school work, and they both had very slowly gotten better at actually _talking._ Adam filled him in on his grueling study schedule and Ronan talked about Opal and the animals. So, it was a bit of a shock when Adam hadn’t answered until the sixth ring and then had acted all distant and cold and _then_ made an excuse to get off the phone almost immediately. 

 

Ronan could have dismissed it as a one-off. He was pretty used to a stressed Adam or a snippy Adam or an Adam that was being an outright asshole once in a while. He knew what he’d signed up for long ago. But Adam had gone ahead and avoided the next two nights of phone calls and when they finally connected a week later there was something definitely _off_.

 

So, Ronan had stewed, and worried, and gotten even less sleep than he usually did. They kept up with the charade of the evening phone calls but Ronan was sure something had changed and he was sick over it. _This_ was why he hated the phone to begin with. He couldn’t study Adam’s hands and read the tiny messages that they conveyed about Adam’s state of mind. He couldn’t stare Adam down and make him spill what was bothering him, or at least make him admit that _something_ was bothering him. Over the phone it was, _‘I’m fine. Just stressed about that project. Look I gotta go,’_ bullshit.

 

So here he was at the door to Adam’s dorm. Unannounced. Some might consider it a sweet surprise to have your boyfriend show up out of the blue, but Ronan was well aware that Adam hated surprises. He’d at least timed it for when Adam was just finished with a huge project so, if it really was stress as Adam claimed, at least that would be over with. Still, Ronan was nervous and he fucking _hated_ being nervous. Especially around Adam. They hadn’t seen each other in 5 weeks. He should be excited and thinking about all the ways he could touch Adam and not whether Adam was going to fucking break up with him. _Fuck_. It wasn’t _that_. He hadn’t let himself actually think that consciously but here he was, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans before he knocked on the door and he was _scared_.

 

The door was opened almost immediately by Charlie, Adam’s roommate. (Who Ronan begrudgingly admitted was pretty okay even though Ronan was all set to hate him from the get go). 

 

“Ronan!” Charlie smiled. If his enthusiasm was fake he did a pretty good job of covering it. “I didn’t know you were coming up this weekend. Adam must have told you I was heading home, huh?” 

 

Adam had not. 

 

Charlie paused awkwardly then went back to zipping up a duffle bag. “I hope you came to talk some sense into him about that summer internship.” 

 

Internship. Also not mentioned. 

 

Ronan just grunted in response, too embarrassed to admit he had no idea what Charlie was talking about.

 

Charlie kept talking as he put on shoes and a coat. “Shit. Can you believe it? He probably didn’t tell you what a big deal it is. He not only got nominated as a freshman, which is basically unheard of, but he actually was selected. First time ever for an underclassman. My roommate the prodigy, I can’t believe it.”

 

“No. Me neither,” Ronan grumbled, awkwardly leaning against the closet door.

 

“And still he goes and…” Charlie was interrupted by his phone buzzing loudly on the bed. “Shit. There’s my ride. Gotta go. Adam should be back soon. You good here?”

 

Charlie left and Ronan slumped down on Adam’s desk where he could rest the side of his head on the cool window. Dark rain clouds moved slowly across the sky casting the small room in a gloomy hue. It suited his mood. An _internship_. A fucking prestigious summer internship undoubtably hundreds if not thousands of miles from the Barns. Ronan wasn’t surprised that Adam had an offer like that. He deserved all that and more and Ronan would never begrudge him that. But it hurt that he hadn’t told Ronan about it; hadn’t asked if he wanted to come with. It hurt like a mother and scared him too. 

 

When Adam came home over winter break they’d talked about the summer. They did a shit ton of more exciting things too, involving Ronan’s bed and little talking and even less sleep. But after they’d gotten some of that out of their system they’d laid there and talked about how great the summer would be. How many hours and days and weeks they’d have together at the Barns. Adam had even sounded excited about it; ready to be out of the city; needing to work with his hands again for a time; wanting a break from the intense nature of academic life. He’d even mentioned missing the ley line. Before that, Ronan hadn’t been sure Adam was coming back but he’d _said_ … and Ronan had believed him.

 

Adam showed up less than an hour later. Ronan had worked himself into a defensive and prickly state in that time. He heard the key in the lock but didn’t move from his mopey position on the desk. It took Adam a long moment after entering the room to realize he was there. God he was beautiful.

 

“Jesus, Ronan, you gave me a heart attack! What are you doing here?”

 

“Charlie let me in,” Ronan answered.It wasn’t a lie, even if it didn’t really answer the question being asked. Adam squinted his eyes at him almost imperceptibly, probably deciding whether to cross the room to him. Ronan let his body language suggest that he shouldn’t. He knew it was awkward. He was probably fucking this up royally, but he didn’t trust himself to do anything else. If he let Adam hold him, kiss him, and then he found out that his fears were founded, he couldn’t survive that. It was better to keep him at a distance and protect his stupid, fucking fragile heart.

 

Adam seemed to get the message. He shucked off his coat and hung it on the hook by the door, buying them both a few moments to process. Ronan was grateful. 

 

“How’d your project go?” He asked after an uncomfortable silence, not quite ready to address the elephant in the room.

 

Adam let out a long sigh and sat on the edge of his bed to unpack his backpack. “Good. I think. God, I hope so. I killed myself over it.”

 

“Yeah. That’s pretty much all you’ve shared in weeks.”

 

Adam paused from his unpacking and looked up at him discerningly. Ronan covered his anguish with an indifferent mask. At least he hoped he did. “Yeah. Like I said, I’ve been stressed about it.”

 

“Bullshit,” Ronan muttered. Apparently he _was_ ready to address it.

 

“What?”

 

Ronan took a deep breath and then dove in. “Bullshit, Parrish. Something else is going on that you’re not telling me.”

 

Adam let his backpack slump to the ground and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Is that why you’re here? To check up on me?”

 

Ronan looked down at the leather bands on his wrists and tugged at them fiercely. After a long pause he finally muttered, “when were you going to tell me? About the internship?”

 

Adam rolled his eyes at the ceiling. “Fucking Gansey. I asked him not to…”

 

That was not the response he was expecting. A guilty confession, a hasty explanation, a cold description of what it meant - that’s what he’d expected. Not worrying about where the information came from.

 

“Gansey knows? Why the fuck did you tell Gansey and not me?” Adam may as well have knifed him in the side with how that admission gutted Ronan.

 

“Relax. I just needed his advice, okay? I didn’t want to tell you until I’d decided for sure but I needed someone to talk to about it. I needed someone who knew me, all of me, and would support my decision.” 

 

And the knife gets twisted deeper. Ronan dropped his chin to his chest so that Adam couldn’t see the pain that was surely etched across it.

 

“Ro…”

 

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

 

“Why are you so upset? Talk to me.”

 

Ronan let the hurt turn to anger, an emotion he was much more comfortable with. _Why was he upset? Why the fuck was Adam acting so blasé about it all?_ There was a jar of pens next to him on the desk and he barely refrained from knocking it across the room. Instead he let the anger seep into his voice. “Fuck that Parrish. When have I ever not supported you? How can you say that? How can you … Jesus!” The anger seeped away as quickly as it came and left him staring at the floor again. Adam must have come over to him after that outburst. He could feel him hovering; could see his shoes through the stupid wetness in his eyes. “I’ve always encouraged you to go after everything you want. I’ve always…” Ronan hated how pathetic his own voice sounded.

 

“I know. I know, babe. That’s what I’m saying. I knew if I told you about the internship you’d encourage me to take it. You’d never let me turn it down because you’d worry you were being selfish. But I never wanted that internship. The only thing getting me through this year is the knowledge that I’ll be back with you at the Barns for the summer.”

 

Ronan’s heart stopped. “Wait. You didn’t want it? I don’t…”

 

“i didn’t take it, Ronan!”

 

It felt like the room tilted and Ronan had to shake his head. “For fuck’s sake. Why didn’t you lead with that?”

 

“I thought you knew! I figured whoever told you about it would have mentioned that I turned it down for Chrissakes. You thought this whole time….? Fuck, babe. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

 

“You didn’t take it… you didn’t….” Ronan’s brain was having trouble processing the news. The switch from anguish to relief so abrupt it made him dizzy. 

 

“No. Never wanted it.”

 

Ronan covered his eyes with his hand, hard as if he could push this new information into his brain faster. “Then why have you been so cagey over the phone these last few weeks?”

 

Adam sighed loudly. “Because my professor convinced me to at least entertain the offer. I hadn’t applied for it. She nominated me and advocated for me before I even knew about it, and it would look bad for her if I turned it down out of hand. So I went to the interview and got the tour. I didn’t officially turn it down until yesterday and I didn’t want to tell you about it until it was officially off the table. I didn’t want to worry you.”

 

“Yeah well that fucking backfired. I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out why you were so weird and distant.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Ronan. I just knew that if I told you over the phone it would lead to a fight. I was already dealing with everyone here telling me I was crazy to turn it down, that it was academic suicide. And I knew with you we’d get all tangled up in trying to give each other what we thought the other wanted. I needed Gansey and Blue to give me an unbiased opinion.”

 

“Blue too?”

 

“Yeah. They both know me - now and how I used to be. They know how driven I am, but they also know how good you are for me. I trusted them to back me up in my decision.”

 

Ronan went back to staring at the floor, rubbing a hand over the back of his head. The tears of hurt were still there, now threatening to fall as tears of relief. He kept tugging at his bracelets to keep Adam from coming any closer. If Adam so much as touched him he knew he’d fall to pieces. His throat ached from holding it all back and despite his stubborn refusal to let it happen, he sniffed tellingly. 

 

Adam let out a long shaky breath. “Just. Ronan.” He paused and tried again. “Just come lay down with me, okay? You look as exhausted as I feel and… maybe. Maybe if we just sleep for a bit this will all feel a little less… intense.”

 

Ronan nodded. He _was_ exhausted. He did want to be close to Adam as long as he didn’t have to look at him. Adam turned and toed off his shoes. He climbed into the narrow bed and scrunched over close to the wall on his back. Ronan climbed in after him but still couldn’t meet Adam’s eye so he pushed at his shoulder until Adam turned on his side toward the wall. Ronan scooted up behind him and wrapped his arm around his chest tightly. He let his forehead fall against Adam’s nape and his eyes fall shut. Adam laced their fingers together over his chest and Ronan _may_ have let a tear or two slip by.

 

They must’ve slept for a couple of hours because when Ronan woke it was full night outside the window. The only light in the room was from the the street lights outsideand the screen of Adam’s phone. He was awake and texting someone. Ronan lifted his hand from where it was resting on Adam’s stomach and ran his finger all over the phone’s keyboard, typing gibberish.

 

“Knock it off. I’ve got a shift in the morning and I’m getting someone to cover it for me.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Ronan croaked.

 

"I know, asshole. I want to. Besides I’ve covered two of Natalie’s shifts this month. She owes me.”

 

Adam set his phone on the shelf over the bed and turned on his side towards Ronan. His gaze was soft and Ronan had to swallow hard. He knew he was being stupid, and it wasn’t actually true but it felt… well if _felt_ as if he’d almost lost Adam. Seeing him and touching him at the same time was just too fucking much. Ronan turned onto his back and clasped his hands behind his neck so that his elbows shielded him a bit from the intensity of it all. Adam, stubborn, intuitive asshole that he was, saw right through his defenses. He pulled Ronan’s arm down to the mattress and rested his head on it. Then he waited for fucking eternity to say anything. Ronan finally gave in and turned his head.

 

“Are we okay?” Adam asked softly.

 

“Yeah. just…. yeah.”

 

“You know i wouldn’t do that, right? I wouldn’t change our plans without telling you.”

 

"Can we just be done with all that. Can we just… will you just kiss me now.” Ronan’s voice was embarrassingly needy.

 

“Yeah. Come here.”

 

Ronan turned toward him so they were stretched out on their sides, toe to forehead, and they kissed tenderly. It morphed within minutes into something more. _God_ , he’d missed this. He’d missed the thrill of getting Adam to moan and pant and tremble. He’d missed how quickly Adam could make him lose control. Adam maneuvered on top of him, his knees on either side of Ronan’s hips. He sat back a moment, panting and grinning and started to say something. Ronan, decidedly done with talking, pulled him back down roughly for another kiss. Adam laughed against his lips and tried to pull away again, this time succeeding. When Ronan reached for him Adam grabbed his wrists and pinned them over his head. Adam’s smile was wide and open and Ronan let himself stay pinned, smiling too.

 

“I’m glad you’re here.”

 

“Yeah, I know how you love surprises,” Ronan joked.

 

“I can’t believe you drove all the way up here just because I sounded weird on the phone.”

 

Ronan’s smile dropped with the memory. Adam’s did too and the soft worry on his face made Ronan turn his head slightly away. 

 

“What is it? Is there more?” Adam asked softly but in a way that Ronan knew he had to answer.

 

He still delayed his answer as long as possible. With a deep breath he confessed, “I could tell you were keeping something from me. I thought…. I thought it was about us.”

 

“You thought…. Jesus, Ro. You thought I was going to end this?” It was more of a statement than a question. Ronan forced himself to look back at Adam but let his silence confirm it. He let his mask fall away leaving himself open to Adam’s careful scrutiny, laying bare all the worry and anguish and fear of the last few weeks.

 

He watched several emotions flick over Adam’s features; shock, sadness, determination. “Ronan, I wasn’t. I wouldn’t. _God_ …I won’t.”

 

It was all the promise Ronan needed. He just pressed his lips together and nodded. 

 

Thankfully, Adam finally understood that he’d had enough of talking. He leaned down and kissed Ronan again, pouring every bit of his devotion in to it. He moved on to Ronan’s jaw and neck and collarbone. Then he peeled off both their shirts and placed Ronan’s arms above his head again before going to work on his chest. When Ronan brought his arms down to wrap around Adam’s shoulders he pushed them back up. 

 

“Just let me….” Adam pleaded.

 

So Ronan lay there open and pliant letting himself be adored. Adam stripped him bare of his clothes, his fears, his doubt. He worshipped every inch of him with his mouth and when Ronan couldn’t handle it anymore he reached once more for Adam and pleaded, "come here. I need to be kissing you.”

 

Adam inched back up his body and took both of them in his beautiful hand. He stroked them both together and they kissed and kissed until they both came.

 

They lay in bed afterwards, naked and tangled together on the narrow mattress. Ronan felt more at peace than he had in months looking at Adam, sated, sleepy and smiling. Ronan allowed himself this. This happiness. This fullness. This love. 

 

They gazed at each other in the darkness for a long while and Ronan finally, finally believed it to be true. Adam was coming back.

 

“I can’t believe you turned that internship down,” he finally said, a glutton for punishment apparently.

 

Adam just hummed sleepily in response.

 

“The Adam Parrish I first met would’ve never done that.”

 

“That Adam Parrish was convinced there was only one path to success.”

 

“And this Adam?”

 

“This Adam,” he paused and brushed his thumb over Ronan’s cheekbone. “This Adam has found a better path.”

 

That amount of sentimentality deserved a snarky comment and some teasing, but Ronan couldn’t seem to come up with anything through the stupid smile on his face. He unsuccessfully tried to school it away and compromised with kissing Adam instead.

 

“Tell me about the farm.” Adam said, all sleepy and honey sweet. 

 

“What?”

 

“Do what you do on the phone at night. Tell me about Opal and the animals. What you’ve been fixing, what you’ve been dreaming."

 

“Why?”

 

“I like it. It helps me relax.”

 

“Such a sap, Parrish,” Ronan said but he was pleased. He resettled so he was laying on his back and Adam rested his head on his shoulder, one arm and leg thrown across him. Ronan started in on an Opal story but Adam was asleep before he even got to the funny part. Ronan didn’t mind one bit.


End file.
